When I Became a Heart Mother.....
One day my world came crashing down,
I'll never be the same.
They told me that my child was sick...
I thought, am I to blame?
I don't think I can handle this...
I'm really not that strong.
It seemed my heart was breaking...
As, I'd loved him for so long.
I will not give up on this child...despite your best "advice".
I will give my child a chance...No matter what the price.
And I will learn all that I need...to help my child to thrive.
I'll even use that feeding tube...
My child will survive!
Will he require therapy?
What if he can't gain weight?
Alright God I can do this...I will not curse our fate.
The feeding pump beeps, at 3:00 a.m.
It serves as my reminder...
How many parents would welcome that sound?
Tomorrow Lord, I will be kinder.
Another angel earns their wings...
and I run to my sleeping child's bed...
I watch him then, for quite awhile...
Bend down and kiss his head
Then I cry for the parents whose lives have been broken,
And I look to God wondering why?
Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways...
No matter how I try.
And yet, I trust You to hold his life,
And guide us through each day
My mind says savor each moment he's here...
But my heart whispers,
"Please let him stay".
From... pacing the surgical waiting room...
to sitting by his hospital bed...
From... wishing for a good night's sleep...to learning every med...
From wondering will he be alright?
To watching him reach out his hands.
With every smile, my heart just melts.. despite life's harsh demands
For all who see that faded line...I look to them and smile...
You see, my child is loved so much...
I would face any trial.
That same scar I trace with my finger...
It's the door to his beautiful heart
I never guessed how much I'd love him...
Just as YOU loved him right from the start
A heart mom is always a heart mom...
Now wise beyond her years
And for those who have angels in heaven...
Our hearts share in all of your tears.
Everyday I will strive to remember...
You chose me for him and no other
And I will embrace that beautiful day...
When I became a "heart mother".
~Stephanie Husted
What is a CHD?
You passed me in the shopping mall...
(You read my faded tee)
You tapped me on the shoulder...
Then asked...`"What'a a CHD?"
I could quote terminology...
There's stats that I could give...
But I would rather share with you...
A mother's perspective.
What is it like to have a child with a CHD?
It's Lasix,aspirin,Captopril....
It's wondering...Lord what's your will?...
It's monitors and oxygen tanks...
It's a constant reminder...to always give thanks...
It's feeding tubes, calories, needed weight gain...
It's the drama of eating...and yes it's insane!
It's the first time I held him...(I'd waited so long)
It's knowing that I need...to help him grow strong...
It's making a hospital...home for awhile...
It's seeing my reward...in every smile.
It's checking his sats...as the feeding pump's beeping...
It's knowing that there... is just no time for sleeping...
It's caths,x-ays and boo boos to kiss...
It's normalcy...I sometimes miss...
It's asking...do his nails look blue?
It's cringing inside... at what he's been through.
It's dozens of call to his pediatrician...
(She knows me by name...I'm a mom on a mission)
It's winter's homebound...and hand sanitizer...
It's knowing this journey...has made me much wiser.
It's watching him sleeping...his breathing is steady...
It's surgery day...and I'll never be ready.
It's handing him over...( I'm still not prepared...)
It's knowing that his heart... must be repaired...
It's waiting for news...on that long stressful day...
It's ...praying...it's hoping...that he'll be okay.
It's the wonderful friends... with whom I've connected...
It's the bond that we share...it was so unexpected...
It's that long faded scar... down my child's small chest...
It's touching it gently...and knowing we're blessed...
It's watching him chasing...a small butterfly...
It's the moment I realized...I've stopped asking...why?
It's the snowflakes that fall...on a cold winter's day...
(They remind me of those...who aren't with us today)
It's a brave little boy...who loved Thomas the train...
Or a special heart bear...or a frog in the rain....
It's the need to remember...we're all in this plight....
It's their lives that remind us... we still need to fight!
It's in pushing ahead amidst every sorrow...
It is finding the strength to have hope for tomorrow.
And no...we'll never be the same... It's changed our family...
This is what we face each day... This is...a CHD.
~Stephanie Husted
No matter what happens...
Our lives hold surprises...
One thing remains constant...
The sun always rises...
When trials surround us...
When things are just fine...
One thing is certain...
The stars will still shine...
Today...we received the most troubling news...
The doctors told us...we must choose...
A chance at life... all we can give...
Our hope...our prayer...let our child live.
You see...they told us something's wrong...
The heart within you...is not strong...
What will we have to put you through?
Oh Lord...I don't know what to do.
And the stars will still shine...
By the light of the moon...
And if God be willing...
We'll be holding you soon.
Today...we welcomed you at last...
As time...just seemed to move so fast...
Before we knew it...here you were...
I still cannot stand what you'll have to endure.
I held you close...and stroked your hair...
Wishing...that...life were more fair.
No matter what happens...somehow we will cope...
I'll give you a chance...I'll hold onto hope...
And the stars will still shine...
In the midst of our pain...
And the sun shines it's brightest...
Only after the rain.
Today...we'll have to let you go...
I thought...I was prepared...
Today...I'll let you leave my arms...
Your heart must be repaired.
And God must be right in this room...
(To prevent me from falling apart)
And I can only pray...Dear Lord...
Please let them fix...his heart.
And the stars will still shine...
When the storm grows anew...
You hold our son's life...
And our trust is in you.
Today...an example...of God's loving grace...
We're on our way home...we're leaving this place!
This hospital room...was our home for awhile...
It has seen every tear...it has held every smile.
Homeward bound...Lord can we do this?
One day at a time...I know we'll get through this.
And the stars will still shine...
And we've prayed for this day...
And we see peaks of sun...
Through the clouds dark and gray.
Today...some friends... so very dear...
Have had to face...our greatest fear...
They lost their child...how can this be?
My hearts breaks for...this family.
I still see his face... as I whisper his name...
And then it sinks in...things will not be the same.
And as we watch our child thrive...
We wonder why their child...didn't survive.
And the stars will still shine...
Through the anguish and pain...
And the light that they left here...
Will always remain.
No matter what happens...
(What can we expect?)
Of life with a child
With a heart defect?
And "defect" doesn't...
Seem quite right...
I prefer...precious...
In HIS sight.
And the stars will still shine...
And perhaps one will fall...
Your that one shooting star...
That surprises us all.
~Stephanie Husted
What does it mean to be a mother?
It's that very first moment,
He's placed in your arms,
A wrinkled red face,
Filled with so many charms,
You can't help but cry,
(As a new mother knows)
You've been waiting so long,
Just to count all his toes,
Then visitors come,
Bearing gifts that are blue,
And they laugh, and snap pictures,
Saying, "He looks like you."
And in just a few days,
(Ahh... the joy and the fun)
You'll be on your way home,
With your beautiful son.
What is it like to be a heart mother?
Again, it's that moment,
You hold your child close,
And cry secret tears,
That a heart mother knows.
In just a few days,
Maybe less,maybe more,
You'll be letting him go,
Asking, what lies in store?
And as your child lays,
In a small isolette,
You think to yourself,
I must not get upset,
And as family arrives,
You try hard to stay strong,
But your tired eyes say,
That this all seems so wrong.
You know what is coming,
Though your still not prepared,
He will leave your safe arms,
To have his heart repaired.
What does it mean to be a mother?
It is nights with no sleep,
It is feedings and spit up,
It is watching him roll,
And then finally sit up.
It is knowing this child,
Depends on you most,
It's those everyday milestones,
in which, you can boast.
And yes... there is crying,
(At time's it's quite loud)
But when he says,, "Mama".
He makes you so proud.
A heart mother...
Ahh.. yes little rest,
As the monitors beep,
And you begin to question,
Is there such thing as sleep?
And you can't go home yet,
And your kid's ask each day,
"Will we see you soon mommy?
Can you come home and play?
Real soon... you promise,
Yes...I miss you too",
And then people ask,
How you do what you do.
And you stroke his forehead,
And his fist is unfurled,
And you know for this child,
You would give all the world.
A mother...
Time passes quickly,
Soon he's off to school,
And before you know it,
Hugs just aren't "cool",
He's a teenager now,
With dreams of his own,
And one day it hits you,
My child, has grown.
And though you are proud,
For all he's achieved,
Life passed more quicly,
Than you could have believed.
A heart mother...
You've always strived to live each day,
As if it were the last,
As the mother of a heart child,
You know things can change fast.
You've seen so many familes,
Endure things you can't understand,
And while you trust that God is good,
Sometimes you just don't understand.
But you go on, because you must,
God chose you for him, and no other,
Your stronger that you could imagine,
You have become a heart mother.
Every mother...
And every mother's journey,
Begins on that day when,
She knows with everything she is,
A mother, she has always been.
Crayon marks cover all the walls,
Muddy prints scatter the floor,
Toys and messes everywhere,
And yes... laundry galore.
I must have the best job that there is,
(Despite all the clutter and mess)
My children.. they remind me,
Life shouldn't be such a stress.
Each and every day we have,
(To laugh, to hug, to play)
Is a memory I'll always have,
And nothing, can take that away.
I wouldn't trade a moment,
Or all that they've taught me to see,
I'm blessed to be a mother,
It's more than I'd dreamed it could be.
~Stephanie Husted
I found this poem on another site written by a father I thought it was beautiful
My Son
My Son was born on a warm summer’s day
With me pacing the floor in a proud dad’s normal way
Not knowing of challenges that were still yet to come
That would change my life in more ways than one
Holding my son for the first time I cried
Thinking of all of the years that his mommy and I tried
Still not knowing how sick and tired he would be
After his heart was wearing out even before week three
We were going home and it was just a day away
When something happened that almost ended our day
The doctor came in and showed us his heart
The news was so shocking it tore my life apart
The shock so horrible and the news so bad
My life was now ending I was wishing that it had
Our journey had begun one we didn’t want to start
How a boy as sweet as him could be born with half a heart
It must be a bad dream and it can’t possibly be fair
For a moment life stood still as we looked with a blank stare
I was numb all over and my tears dried on my face
Our doctor had informed us to get ready for the race
It would take our emotions from valleys to peaks
One day we are happy to the next no one speaks
We prayed God would show David mercy and grace
As we sat down to ponder with a look of fear on our face
We made it through the Norwood with help from up above
God surrounded us with people that we would grow to love
Those people were doctors and nurses and family and such
That showed our family they cared with the love in their touch
After a month of a struggle for our little guy
We were allowed to take him home with a gleam in his eye
I remember like it was yesterday as I welled up with tears
My eyes kept filling up it seemed like for years
Happiness filled the room as we started to pack
Still not knowing the future or what to expect
I gained my composure and prepared to go home
Not knowing it had changed me and my life yet to come
For you see spreading awareness has become my whole life
Not wanting a parent to have to suffer this strife
We have been through so much I still think we have won
Because everyday I wake up I still have MY SON
