In less than 24 hours we will have met our little boy. Even if it is for just a moment that they will show him to me, I will have seen him FINALLY.
Throughout the last half of this pregnancy I was preparing myself for this moment. I still don’t think that I am fully prepared, but how can you be. I don’t think any mom ever will be or ever was, even if she knew she was expecting a child with CHD.
I am terrified of what will happen to my child. The last few months I have seen so many babies earn their angel wings and leave their parents in despair because of HLHS. It’s a terrible disease, all CHD’s are! No one is promised tomorrow, but it’s not fair for those kids that have to endure things that most adults will never even have to.
I am still hoping that there is a slim chance that the doctors were wrong, that there will be nothing wrong with him and all this was just a bad dream. But if it isn’t I’m hoping that this is the only ailment we will have to endure. All echos were pretty good, all NST’s and biophysicals were great yet there is still so much uncertainty. I hate that. In the last 10 weeks I have had 40 doctor’s appointments. I also know that this is not the end, that tomorrow will not end the doctor’s appointments but then I won’t be the patient. I wish I could take it all upon myself and not allow this baby boy be poked even once. Not him, not Emily.
The last 10 days I was out of work and spent the time thinking and rethinking of what will be happening to us. I also spent it with Emily, since I was feeling up to it. I wanted to give her the last few normal days that I can. We went to play dates, play yards, Children’s museum and all sorts of fun. She had a blast, though it tired me out.
The plan for tomorrow is to go to church in the morning since I will be missing Sunday mass and pray for our little miracle, drop off Emily at grandmas and go in for the C-section which is scheduled for noon on Friday, February 25, 2011. After that I don’t know… I’m assuming they will show me the baby for a few minutes and take him away to analyze, stabilize and do all sorts of tests to assess his condition. I will go into recovery, he will go to the NICU and my husband will split his time between me and our son. In the evening if everything is good, Joe will go home to our daughter and come by again to the hospital on Saturday. I should be discharged by Monday if all goes well again.
I will try to update the blog as soon as I can and hopefully with some pictures of Jasiu if Joe can get any in, which I hope he can. Till then…