Bittersweet

I got discharged from the hospital 3 days after the delivery via C-section. I had the option to stay for one more day, however I chose to come home so I can spend some time with my daughter before one of the biggest days of our son's life.  It was a bittersweet home coming, the car felt so empty, I think my husband and I cried the entire way home because as any mom being "discharged without baby" is one of the hardest moments of her life. The only comfort we had was that he was still fighting, we will get to see him the next day and that made it bareable.

Jasiu has been doing well under the circumstances. His biggest obstacle is his oxygen saturations fluctuating and having to be bagged quite a few times. However scary it may look, I quickly learned frm his nurses and all the supporting heart moms is that it's normal for his condition.  He also did need a blood transfusion on Monday afternoon because his hemoglobin was too low and they wanted his blood counts to be good for surgery.

Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, March 1. Our baby will be 4 days old.  I can't believe it. I knew going into this and discussed the procedure with the surgeon while pregnant, but actually hearing all the risks, details and signing the consent form was heartbraking. Basically you put your childs life in someone's hands who tries really really hard to fix it. Dr. Illbawi's surgical team I have been assured is excellent and their success rates are as well, however it is still so difficult to hear that your baby's heart will be stopped, put on bypass, etc. Just heartbraking.  Another good thing was that the residents said he is in excellent, they specifically said excellent, shape for surgery, so that is a major plus.

On another good note, though they are not feeding Jasiu real milk yet, I have thus far been having a really positive experience pumping, compared to my first try with Emily. Grant it, it's day 4 at 6 am right now and I may be a little sleepy, I am happy with the outcome. We shall see how successful I am down the road. It does seem as if this is one of the only things I seem to be in control of, as getting out of my bed to do this, still requires me waking up my husband to be my mechanical bed that I used at the hospital. But better to wake him than to mess with the incision and let my stomach heal.

One more good thing yesterday was that I was able to hold my son yesterday for the first time as well. I can't believe it took a whole team of nurses and a respiratory therapist and my husband to assist in moving him to my arms, but that one hour was glorious. I pretty much held my breath the whole time so I would not move too much to upset him and his saturations. But Jasiu seemed to like it and was't complaining too much. He didn't get mad enough to be bagged, which the nurse was excellent.  I can't wait to do it for real and with no tubes. I also can't wait for a family photo of all FOUR of us and not 3 at a time.

Emily can't wait to meet her brother. She has been so mature for a 2 and a half year old. I can't believe it. I love both of them soooo much.

I will keep everyone posted on progress through out surgery and asking for your prayers that everything goes according to plan.